Friday, June 4, 2010


I know I've been away for a while, but I'm back now, and hope to get into updating this daily (But, let's be's not gonna be daily) with stuff I've seen.

Aliens (Cameron, 1986):  The way 2010 cinema has been completely underwhelming is disappointing on one level (Seriously, I think 8 of the 18 local screens are showing either Iron Man 2 (Understandable), Sex and the City 2 (Kind of a travesty, but it's popular, so I get it), or Robin Hood (Completely baffling that it takes up three theaters when it's not even making that much money!), but good on another as rather than wasting my time and money, it gives me a chance to get around to stuff I've been meaning to watch for years, hence, Aliens!  I actually only got around to Alien, itself, last year, and now seemed like a good chance to delve into the sequel.  If you're completely bizarre like myself and somehow never got around to watching this, I'll give you a brief synopsis. Sigourney Weaver reprises her role as Ripley, former space worker turned alien fighter, who is discovered some 50+ years later floating in space.  Of course, the evil corporation blames her and not the bloodthirsty aliens for ruining things and she's given the space worker equivalency of a dishonourable discharge, and finds herself working the space docks, that is, until slimy corporate bigwig Paul Reiser enlists her to travel to a mining colony on the planet where the aliens were discovered that has recently broke off all contact.  She hesitates, at first, but you know she ends up going along with a group of gung-ho space marines who are, of course, completely inept when it comes to dealing with the titular creatures who have ravaged the colony, leaving only one survivor, a little girl called Newt.

As someone who's not really big on scary movies (For the most part, I don't really find them that all scary, save a few (Audition scared the pants off me and my friends; Paranormal Activity was good for a few scares, and I found The Strangers shockingly effective)), I can honestly say that, really, Aliens might be the scariest movie I've ever seen.  You're gonna have to watch it alone, late at night, with the lights off to get the full effect, probably, but I found myself legitimately on the edge of my seat, even though I'd actually already spoiled the ending for myself trying to figure out how long it was.  The scares were genuinely scary and the effects were pretty spectacular for the most part (A couple times the alien kinda minced along which was a tad distracting), and really spectacular when you consider it was 1986 (But, really, would you expect anything less from a James Cameron movie).  The cast, save for Weaver and Lance Henriksen in the role he was born to play (a creepy robot), were pretty non-descript and superfluous to the plot (But, really, would you expect anything less from a James Cameron movie).  I've got to say, Aliens is the rare sequel that outdoes the original (Except for, say, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Spiderman 2, or, especially, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II).

Lesbian Vampire Killers (Claydon, 2009):  This was just bad. It's kinda like if someone was sitting around watching Shaun of the Dead and thought to themselves "Hey, I could do that!  But this time with vampires!  And boobies!"  But, no it turns out, you really can't.  The leads are unlikable, the jokes are mostly unfunny, and, by the time you get to a few that aren't so bad - Chubby McSidekick Who Would Kill To Be Nick Frost getting hit with an axe-handle and sniggering at a phallus-shaped sword, as well as the film's final shot, come to mind - the movie's already badly worn out its goodwill with you that you'll choose not to laugh out of spite.  Anyways, yeah, the effects are bad, the characters annoying, the plot, such as it is, drags, and the movie ends with the hope of turning it into a series.  I'd suggest that hope may be a tad unfounded.

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